Current career options:

  
      Bag Lady                               Academia
-------------------------------  --------------------------------
* Hang out in libraries          * Hang out in libraries
* Lots of fresh air              * Never see the sun
* Garbage cans                   * Vending machines
* Sleep anywhere                 * Sleep anywhere (see: libraries)
* Talk incoherently              * Talk incoherently
* Collect interesting pieces of  * Collect interesting pieces of
  paper                            paper
* Engage in impassioned debates  * Engage in impassioned debates
  with space aliens in their       with people who have never 
  native dialects                  left the lab
* Wear all my favorite clothes   * Never a fashion slave
  at once!     
* Hallucinate                    * Plagiarize
* Shopping carts                 * Filing cabinets
* Shelters                       * Conferences
* Magic things: pigeon feathers, * Ritual objects: signed pieces
  a piece of string                of paper, brass rats           
* Research: are pebbles edible?  * Research: can machines converse?

And speaking of plagiarism, the last two "bag lady" items are inspired if not directly lifted from the cover of "Street People" magazine, as illustrated by Matt Groening for the LA Free Press, many years ago, before the Simpsons, before Futurama...